It’s been a while since I wrote a post about my road to recovery.
Though I’ve been doing all the right things like going to therapy, seeing my psychiatrist, learning all these coping mechanisms that will help me cope with my disorders, there is still a road for me to travel.
Sometimes there are days where I feel defeated. There are days where I feel like I don’t want to continue down this road of recovery, there are days where I feel like I want to give up because I’m not seeing the results that I want to see.
My appetite has highly increased which means I’ve gained weight (which is a possible side effect from my medication), my powerlifting journey is going slowly, I sometimes do still get groggy and irritable, and I feel like a potato at times, meaning I feel lethargic and sleepy and lazy, rather than being my upbeat self.
With all of this though, I do have to remember to be kind to myself. It’s okay to feel defeated. It’s okay to feel like things are moving too slowly. But, it’s not okay to be put myself down all the time. Life is a process, and so is this road to recovery.
There’s just so much that I want to do with my life and I know I have to be patient. There are days where I wish I could just fast forward things and see where I will be in the future, but that’s me being antsy and too restless.
I remember back when I was depressed, I would never have taken myself to see a therapist, I would have never wanted to see a psychiatrist, and I would have never checked myself into the hospital. I absolutely didn’t even want to admit that there was a problem that needed to be fixed, that needed to be addressed. It’s crazy because back in July, I read about the symptoms of bipolar disorder and I kind of self-diagnosed then, but I didn’t want to do anything about it because I didn’t like labeling myself as someone who had a disorder. Though I don’t allow myself to be labeled by my disorders, I do know that I need help and that these disorders are a part of me, though they do not define me. I am thankful for God, for He has taken me out of the darkness and that He has helped me see the light.
I will continue to remind myself to live in the now. I will continue to remind myself that everything is a process, and that I’m doing okay. I’ve been trying to train my brain to think more positively, than negatively – this is something that I highly recommend. It works! From experience, I’ve noticed that the more you keep telling yourself something, the more you’re going to believe it – whether positively or negatively. So, if this is the case, why not teach yourself to love yourself more and think good thoughts?
Sorry if my thoughts seem slightly scattered, this is just me trying to get back into the rhythm of writing more coherently.