Don’t be so hard on yourself, okay? I know you think that there’s so much that you’ve done wrong and that you’re full of regret, but hey, you made it to where you are right now. You said to yourself last week that you’re sick of feeling the way that you’ve felt for the past four months, and you’ve been trying to do something about it. It’s not going to be easy as much as you wish you could speed up the process and just get the ball rolling. I know you want so badly to be better already, you want to be happy. You’re sick of all the self-loathing, the isolation – everything.
Well, throughout everything, just remember that you are loved by your family, your friends, God, and even yourself. Don’t dwell on all the negatives, but dwell on the positives. This is where you are now. I’m not going to invalidate what you’ve gone through or the way you felt, because it’s okay to be in the position that you’ve been in – but what’s not okay is staying stagnant – there are far more beautiful things out there than just sitting in your room all day and being angry at yourself and the world. You have a lot to give to the world and the world has a lot to give to you. Give yourself a chance. Be patient, don’t overthink things, just do them.
You’ve isolated yourself from all the people that you love, from all sorts of human contact and you may feel that you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a “person.” But hey, there’s nothing wrong with the act of trying, and practice makes perfect right? You may feel that everyone around you may be better off without you, but you really do need them and you really do miss and love every single thing about being surrounded by the ones you care about most. Just be patient with yourself, things aren’t going to change if you keep thinking negatively. You’re gonna be okay. It’s going to be okay.
Maybe everything does happen for a reason, and you’re right where you need to be. I know you’re extremely hard on yourself and that’s why you feel like you’re unable to forgive yourself but don’t worry about it. The positives will always outweigh the negatives.
I know you don’t feel good about yourself because you haven’t been working, you feel like you’re good for nothing. That’s just your ego and your pride talking. One day, maybe sooner than later, you’re gonna be in a great place and you’re going to love what you do and you’re going to work hard because that is who you are.
– B. T.