December 7, 2016 

I feel sad and happy at the same time.

I feel sad because I think back to when I was in a depressive state a month ago. I feel sad because in those few months, when I was at my lowest of lows, I wasn’t strong enough to overcome the evil that consumed me (in those moments).

I feel happy, though, because I am too grateful for all that I’ve gone through, the people who have come into my life (whether they have left or stayed), and I am most thankful for God. How He loves us so much, He sent His son down to this world and He died on the cross to save our sins. Now I know that I am strong, because I can do all things through Christ. God is good, He is love, He is my maker, He is perfect in all ways.

A lot has happened in this past week and a half, a lot has come to light. It kind of feels like my life is flashing before my eyes, because I am remembering so much because I have a good memory I guess.

Some of it still hurts, but it’s kind of like a bandaid being ripped off of your skin. It stings. Sometimes I still cry to myself, but then I’m able to step back and realize that my experiences have shaped me to be the individual I am today. I think it’s important to allow yourself to be human and allow yourself to feel the way you feel in the moment. Whether it be anger, sadness, jealousy, whatever it may be. Allow yourself to be human. Allow yourself to be real.

I’m so tired still. I really do feel better every day, and I am constantly seeing the light. And I know that God walks beside me. It’s just that my brain moves at a pace that is a thousand times faster than my body. And sometimes my emotions overcome me. But it’s okay. I’ll be okay.

I really want to nap. Lord, please quiet down my soul. I really crave sleep. I just want to be able to rest. This is my prayer. Help me be stable and help me have balance in my life.

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