I haven’t written in the longest time. To be honest, I had another depressive episode from July 2016 to November 2016. But by the grace of God, by the power of prayer, with the help of all the beautiful people around me, I have been saved yet again. Thank you Jesus for your mercy and grace and your sovereignty. Thank you for pulling me out of the darkness time and time again, and allowing me to recognize that I am loved by you and by all those around me. I will for sure go into depth about how I am recovering, but for now, here are my thoughts on a topic that is dear to me. Here I am allowing myself to allow you, the reader, to get a better sense of who I am.
This morning I was teaching Kevin’s mom how to create her own Instagram. As I was explaining the functions, what the purpose of Instagram and how you can use it as an outlet of expression, I made the craziest connection to real life! I know I may sound crazy but stay with me here.
First and foremost, let’s talk about technology/social media in general. Next, we will go through the pros and cons, as there are always both positives and negatives to each topic, everything in life is that way, and this theory is even to be proved by science, math, and spirituality. That’s just what I believe in any way — protons > electrons, positives negate the negatives, good > evil. If you disagree or if you have a different way of thinking, I’d definitely be open to discussion! I love hearing about what other people think on topics that really interest me. Because it’s like, you know, you’re never going to have all the answers, you’re not always going to know everything. If we DID know everything, that would mean we are calling ourselves God (or a God, dependable on your spirituality) – we are thinking too highly of ourselves. But underneath it all, if you think about it, we will NEVER be perfect because we are human. Instead of dwelling on human nature’s negatives, let us think positively and look to the light always. Everyone is special in their own way, as we were all created unique in God’s image. Though everyone can be similar, we are all different at the same time because it is our experiences, our personalities, our environment, our culture, our upbringing which really shape us and make us who we are.
I digress. Back to the topic of social media.
I’ve always liked social media. I could never understand why, but now if you ask me why I LOVE using Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Youtube and Snapchat, etc. I feel as if I can write you a whole essay on the topic of social media and its pros and cons!
Lettuce begin with the pros. Again, these are my personal thoughts so if there’s anything you’d like to add, or if there’s anything you disagree with I’m definitely open to hearing you out and picking your brain!
- Technology is quite amazing in the way that it has advanced slowly and surely each and every year, since it has been introduced by mankind. Like, just let that sit with you for a second – if Benjamin Franklin didn’t create electricity, where would we be right now? But everything happens for reason, and God is amazing in that way. He gives all of us different abilities and different strengths and weaknesses that allow us all to be special in our very own way.
- If you think about the idea that one’s profile can be “public” or “private” – that kind of pertains that the lifestyle of that individual at the certain time that they allow their profiles to be “public” or “private.” Like, think about it. There have been many times where I’ve switched my social media accounts from those two, and that’s definitely because I didn’t want to let people in. In the moment, I chose to be that way. And that’s the thing with society – society implants the idea in our heads that we have to be a certain type of way. But no. I do not agree with society, and I want to break barriers. You are who you are, you think what you think. And that’s what makes you, you.
Pros to Social Media
- The ability to share your life with others. Let’s say I end up moving to a different state for a little bit away from my loved ones because of a career move or because me and Kevin just want to live remotely for a little bit – I can still stay connected through social media because of the power of technology!
- Since technology and social media intertwine, social media is always improving, as with most things. I remember Kevin telling me about Michio Kaku and his theory and thoughts about the physics of time travel. This goes back to my thought that everything happens for a reason and there is place and a time for everything, within God’s timing, of course.
Cons to Social Media
- Social media makes us believe that we have to be perfect all the time. We have to have the perfect pictures, the perfect feed, the perfect things to say all the time. That’s so not true.
- As brought up before, the fact that social media makes us feel the need to be validated all the time by likes/comments/views. Why is that? I ask myself this question all the time. My theory is that it is within human nature to be want to be liked and loved by everyone. But think about the little things, and be thankful for what you have. I always need to remind myself of this factor. There are so many people out there in third world countries who do not have what I have, who do not have the privilege to have the education that I’ve graduated with. It’s good to have self confidence and all, but it’s also good to keep yourself grounded.
All in all, I think that the positives outweigh the negatives within the above said points. Maybe I’m just too much of a dreamer and I believe too much in the greater good of people. I honest to God really believe that the good will always outweigh the evil, and that people are innately born good, we just sometimes get caught up in ourselves and we don’t work together for the greater good of mankind. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I believe in equality and I believe it doesn’t matter what you are, who you are – we must all learn to love ourselves, so we can all love one another and become one.
That’s it for now.
This isn’t the last you’ve heard from me.
*Same day, 10:30pm
Lately I’ve been realizing a lot about myself and how sometimes I can be a little extra, since my thoughts are always racing, I always feel like I need to be actively moving, that I talk fast etc. I know I’m a lot to handle for those around me, and I know that I’m even a lot to handle for myself even. This is why I cannot sleep sometimes because I live in my head. Many times I become fixated on something or someone that I feel deeply for, and that’s a big problem of mine. Also, I recognize that oftentimes I can’t let things go because I let my emotions effect me too deeply.
First, it’s funny that I keep having the same type of conversations around these realizations with Kevin, with my family, with my friends, with my therapist – people that I look up and that I respect. It’s that type of thing where when you keep hearing the same thing over and over again from a bunch of different sources/people, you start to realize and think, “wow – maybe this is true and maybe this IS right.”
My thing is, I have a really hard time letting people in because I’ve felt oppressed – I’ve felt confused, I’ve felt bored, I’ve felt that my opinion didn’t matter and that I have nothing good to say. Why is that? Why do any of us have negative thoughts? From my personal experience, I feel that it is human nature to think negatively a lot – we let the negative thoughts consume us – this is how I feel/felt at least, and it becomes heightened when I dive into a depressive state.
I also realize that I am extremely impulsive – Idk what it is about me but a lot of the times I like to jump to conclusions without backing up things with evidence. So, I’m learning little by little to gather my evidence I come to any sort of conclusion about anything or anyone. Yes, you can form a hypothesis, then gather evidence, then gather a conclusion – but still, as said above, we’ll never know everything 100% because we are only human.
As talkative as I can be, I actually really enjoy debating and discussing things out loud because that allows me to assess things and see things in a different lens. For me, personally, if I’m just thinking way too much and not channeling my thoughts onto paper or to a person, I just tire myself out. I’m like a bunny! Like, my brain is always on but my body is not – because y’know, mental/emotional/physical/spiritual health is all codependent of one another – at least that’s just what I think.
I literally could go on and on and on about how I feel, what I think, but I’m really trying to learn how to be stable in all aspects. Balance, right? I need to be kind to myself though because things won’t just come so naturally. Life is a process. This is a healing process. It’ll be okay. I’ll be okay. We’ll all make it.
I’m trying to tire myself out so I can sleep, lol!
Also, I don’t really care if anyone is reading this. This is just a place for me to channel my energy, as I am able to use this as an outlet of expression. It goes back to the whole thing about “feeling oppressed.”
I did a lot today! I woke up at 6:30am because I couldn’t sleep anymore (but I did sleep to some degree); I read a little bit, I listened to music, I wrote, I ate, I played the violin, I played the piano, I played with Talia, I talked to my mom, I hung out with Jina, I texted my friends, I spent time with Kevin and his family. These are all things that I am thankful for.
When you’ve come out from your lowest of lows, you start to realize how much you are loved and how much you are thankful for.
Good night. Bye!
Also, when I’m writing, I kinda am speaking to myself most of the time so I apologize if I seem narcissistic and idealistic, or as if I am pressing my way of thinking upon you. I don’t believe in that – I believe in equality and respect. More on that later.